← Groups & Workshops
Individuals · Shame · In Person · IFS-informed
Forming · join the list

The Person You Were Supposed to Be

You got very good at being someone else. It worked. That’s the problem.

Eight weeks on shame — the one place where being seen by the room, gently, is the medicine.

When
Weekends · TBD
Length
Eight weeks · 90 min
For
Individuals
Language
English · Ukrainian · Russian
Approach
IFS-informed

Shame is the quiet belief that if people really saw you, they’d leave — so you built someone easier to love and have been running them ever since. It works. That’s exactly why it’s so hard to put down.

There’s no way to disprove ‘they’d leave if they knew me’ in private. So here, unlike our other groups, the work happens in the room — being known, and not left.

We move gently and never force. We meet the inner critic, come close to the part that’s been hidden, and practice the antidote that isn’t self-esteem but something quieter: being seen, and staying.

♡ ♡ ♡

The eight weeks

From naming shame to coming back to yourself.

Week
1

Guilt and shame are not the same

‘I did something bad’ versus ‘I am something bad.’ One repairs. The other runs.
Practice
Noticing which one you tend to live in.
Week
2

Whose voice is that

Parent, church, village, country, profession — not yours, but using your voice now.
Practice
Naming the voice, and where it came from.
Week
3

The performance

The self you built to be acceptable. It works — that’s why it’s hard to set down.
Practice
Naming the performance you run most.
Week
4

The critic

It shames you first so nobody else gets the chance. Cruel — and also protecting you.
Practice
Meeting it with curiosity instead of war.
Week
5

The one being hidden

The part told it was too much — too loud, too needy, too foreign, too soft.
Practice
Approaching. Not opening.
Week
6

Where it lives

Shame is postural before it’s verbal.
Practice
Locating it in the body. Not fixing it.
Week
7

Being seen

The antidote isn’t self-esteem. It’s being known and not left.
Practice
One true thing, out loud, in the room.
Week
8

Coming back

Not becoming someone new. Returning.
Practice
Yours to keep.
How payment works
$65 per person, per session
Paid in full at enrollment

Groups run out-of-network and privately. Paying in full at enrollment holds your place for the whole series — and lets the group form as a stable, closed circle: the same people, from beginning to end.

Refunds

A full refund if you withdraw before the first session. In the first two weeks, a prorated refund or a credit toward a future group. Once the group has formed, the remaining sessions aren’t refundable — the circle was built around your place in it — but if something serious comes up, talk to me and we’ll find a fair way through.

Superbill

A superbill is available for possible partial reimbursement through your out-of-network benefits. Whether a group qualifies depends on its nature, so it’s best to check with your insurance company.

Reserve your spot

Seats are limited to keep the group small and safe. Reach out — we’ll find out together whether this is the right next step for you, and there’s no pressure either way.

Contact to reserve
alesia@ivycounselinggroup.com (609) 688-8300
Where we meet 182 Tamarack Circle, Skillman, NJ 08558